Photo by Stefan Schulze
I watched Kevin scroll through his dating app finding connection for the fifth time today, each swipe carrying the weight of unspoken expectations. “Six figures, six feet, six pack,” he muttered, closing the app. “Feels like I need to win the lottery just to get a coffee date.”
Two tables over at our local coffee spot, an older couple sat in complete silence, both lost in their phones. They wore matching rings but hadn’t made eye contact once in the past hour.
Here’s what I am pondering today: There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can feel lonely in a relationship, and you can feel complete in solitude. The trick is knowing which one you’re actually dealing with.
Let’s be real about modern dating:
The apps make us feel like we’re shopping for humans, not connecting with them. Every profile becomes a resume, every conversation a job interview. We’re all trying to prove our worth through carefully curated photos and clever bios.
But here’s the truth: The best connections rarely start with a swipe.
Think about your parents’ generation. They met at work, through friends, at social events. Places where they could be people, not profiles. Where conversation flowed naturally, not through pre-screened messages.
“But those places don’t exist anymore,” you might say.
They do. We just stopped looking for them.
The gym you go to? Full of people with similar values about health and discipline. That coffee shop where you work remotely? Others are there seeking community too. The hobby you’re passionate about? Perfect ground for authentic connection.
But there’s a catch: You have to be there as yourself, not your highlight reel.
For those already in relationships, the challenge is different but related. How do you maintain depth when the world pushes you toward surface-level everything?
Start here:
- Put the phones down during dinner
- Ask questions you don’t know the answers to
- Share thoughts you’d normally keep to yourself
- Create spaces for real conversation
Here’s what matters: Whether you’re single or partnered, the key isn’t finding more connections – it’s deepening the ones you have.
Stop chasing the algorithm’s definition of desirable. Start being genuinely interested in other humans. Real humans, with flaws and fears and fascinating stories.
Your move: This week, have one conversation that doesn’t involve a screen. One interaction where you’re fully present. One moment where you let yourself be seen, not just swiped.
Because real connection doesn’t care about your height, your bank account, or your follower count.
It cares about your willingness to be authentic in a world of artificial perfection.
That’s the only six-pack that really matters.